With the media fixated on the same sex marriage cases before the Supreme Court this week, hardly anyone has noticed another momentous case before them – this one challenging the law of gravity. The Court will determine whether the law of gravity is inevitably discriminatory in its application, bearing more heavily on some than on others. If they so determine, they will certainly rule the law unconstitutional.
This case is before the Court because of a suit filed by seven people who believe it is unjust that they are considered heavy. Ike Newton, attorney for the plaintiffs, declared that it is long since time for America to bring freedom for all who have previously borne the burden of extra pounds.
The seven plaintiffs prepared for the Court hearing with a service at their church, where the Reverend G. B. Shaw led a ceremony in which the seven were pronounced “light.” During his homily the Reverend Shaw declared, “I don’t know what kind of bigoted blindness led the deity to put the law of gravity into effect, but the Supreme Court now has the opportunity to right a great wrong.”
At a reception following the ceremony, the newly light celebrants were giddy with their new status. One of the women declared that she can hardly wait to wear a size five dress.
Meanwhile the Presbyterian Church has convened a study commission, which will consider the Church’s broad diversity of theological positions on gravity, and will bring a report in 2024.
“He who sits in the heavens laughs.” And the joke is on us.
Lord have mercy,